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MAGICIAN JOKES
Q:
How do you get a magician to do 100 card tricks?
Q:
What's the difference between a magician and a pizza?
Q:
Two guys are waiting for a Taxi. One is holding a rabbit, the other
a deck of cards. Which guy is the magician?
Q:
How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Q:
How do you get a magician off your porch?
Q:
Hear about the drunk magician? ----------------------------------------------
The parents of a
young boy send their son to summer camp.
When he returned
home after his first day at camp his dad asked him, "What did you do
at summer camp today?" His son said, "I'm taking a really cool magic
class. I learned how to make a coin disappear and then make it
re-appear from someone's ear." The son replied, "I had a gig..." ----------------------------------------------- When I was a child my mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said "A Magician". She said, "You can't do both". ------------------------------------------------
I told my mother
"You know, I've half a mind to become a professional magician". ------------------------------------------------ During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see Lance Burton. After one especially amazing trick, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir", Lance answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!" --------------------------------------------------- The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students. When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, "And what does your father do?" "Oh, he's a magician," replied Johnny. "Really? And what's his best trick?" "His best trick is sawing people in half." "Wonderful!" exclaimed the teacher. "Tell me, are there any more children in your family?" "Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters." ---------------------------------------------------
A young magic
fanatic was walking from the convention ----------------------------------------------- A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days. After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the boat?" ---------------------------------------------- A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "'Hair Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hair. Adds Permanent Wave." -------------------------------------------------
An elderly
magician died, and the local magic club decided to collect funds to
help his family with the funeral expenses. Going door to door,
asking for donations from the neighbors, a club member asked a lady
for a donation; "Here's a 10, bury two of them!" --------------------------------------------------- A Magician was doing his stage show in front of a big audience but saw he wasn't getting anywhere. After trying all the 'tricks', in desperation, he called a big, muscular man out of the audience. "Sir, I'd like you to take this 20 pound sledge hammer and hit me as hard as you can right in the head." The man refused. The magician then said, "Sir, I am a professional. This is the Greatest Illusion. Besides, there are hundreds of witnesses, hit me as hard as you can right in the head with the hammer." The man shrugged, did it, and the Magician went flying across the stage, hit the wall, and immediately fell into a coma. He was rushed to the hospital, and remained in the coma for years. Ten years later, he came out of the coma, Do you know what his first words were? .............. "Ta DA!!" -----------------------------------------------
A juggler is
sent to hell for his sins.
"What a
rip-off," the juggler muttered. I have to roast for all of eternity,
and that magician gets to spend his time doing card tricks for
beautiful women!" "Who are you to question these women's punishment?"... ------------------------------------------------ A magician looking for a new trick went to a newly opened magic shop. The clerk handed him an ordinary-looking pair of glasses and said, "Only $1,000." The magician was shocked. "A thousand bucks for a pair of glasses?" "Try 'em on; they're special glasses." He tried them on and suddenly the clerk was naked. So were the female shoppers! He removed the glasses and everyone was clothed. "Sold!", he said. Riding the bus home, he put the glasses on again. The bus driver was naked and all the passengers were naked! He took them off and everyone was clothed again. When he got home, he put his new glasses on before opening the front door. When he entered the living room, there on the sofa were his wife and his best friend, naked! He took the glasses off, but they were still naked. "Damn!" he said. "A thousand bucks for a magic trick and in 30 minutes it's already broken!"
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